Remnants v The Philanderers, Wednesday 18th July at Fitzwilliam

The Philanderers 234-4 Remnants 79-8 The Philanderers win by 155 Runs!

After much panicking in the Fuhrer's Bunker all week The Philanderers arrived at Fitzwilliam College Ground with a full complement as non batting, wicketless change seam bowler Nigel Gadsby was brought into the ranks. The Remnants took a different path, 'advertising' on their social network that at lunchtime they had 13 available, meaning three dropped out before the start, three of their better cricketers I'd imagine.

As the ten Remnants took to the field it soon became apparent a large score was in the offing as Matt Samson was soon finding the boundary, ten times in his 30 ball 47 and Ed Dodson was looking classy. After two beautifully timed leg-side boundaries Gadsby and I concurred that Ed looked in top form. Commenters curse of course, bowled next ball, there was only just enough time to picture his return to the 'shed'. This of course, only released Captain Gill who had a few 'sighters' involving just one 6. Then the Remnants turned to lob bowling, really! 12 boundaries in 16 balls as Rob danced down the track and made hay. As someone whose dancing days have mostly passed I suggested sweeping a more sensible and sedate method against such slow bowling. After Rob departed for 63 off 28 balls, much to others’ frustration, I showed this does work as R. Rex returned figures of 3 overs 0-58. During all this carnage Paul Leary provided the 'glue' but still managed 38 not out from just 23 balls as the Phillies ran up what I believe is our record 20 over score. The Fuhrer is pleased to confirm this assumption is indeed correct.

Then it was the Remnants turn... Hugo's 4 overs went for just 11, Freddie Perkins and Nathan Procter were just too fast, Redmayne and Burnett took more cheap wickets and their only aggressive batsman was beautifully caught by Dodson. Freddie, whose elder sister, with my daughter formed the finest hockey defence in living memory for St. John's College School, then turned to leg spin. It was at this point that your correspondent regretted not wearing a helmet while keeping, as a cruel deflection took the ball into the corner of my eye, via my glasses. Suitably 'lidded' I thought I had my revenge as the batsman missed the ball and went walkabout. My appeal to the umpire was followed by enquiring if he was paying attention to which he confessed he wasn't, at which point, our Australian of all people, in an amazing attempt to regain the moral high ground told me it would have been a 'rather immoral' dismissal. My arse it would, I'd just 'worn one' for my troubles, no matter, there was rather less principled antipodean resistance when his furniture was rearranged two balls later.

All that remained was finding out that Redmayne still thinks he has blonde hair and that the opportunity to gloat about our biggest ever win over the Remnants was somewhat negated by Dave Norman's bar remaining firming closed.

David Pimblett

Cricket as an active leisure pursuit

Ed Dodson in retreat

​© The Philanderers Cricket Club 2020