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The Philanderers v Camden, Tuesday 9th July at Babraham

“To err once is a mistake, twice is sheer stupidity but thrice….?” – Tom Sherwin 2019

Beware of the team you underestimate by keeping average “Premier League” under wraps as inevitably they will come back to bite you, particularly as in the words of the Fuhrer “you can’t see the bowler coming out of the darkness”.

We gathered on an overcast Tuesday evening in Babraham and having lost the toss 9 Philanderers took to the field minus George Hall and Premier League, the latter having reliably informed driver George that the match was a 6.30 start. John Burnett and Hugo White opened the bowling and despite JB dropping a regulation flat howitzer of a catch at square leg the pair bowled through their respective 4 over spells with figures of 1-25 and 2-36 respectively. Hugo was on the point of being banned following his last 2 balls being head high beamers. One marvellous piece of fielding from Freddie Perkins, a direct hit from mid-off meant that the opposition were reduced to 65-4. Leaving Henry to graze out at deep square leg the captain turned to George Hall (nobody had ever seen him bowl, but he is a very good hockey player!!) and evergreen Heggars and the brakes were immediately applied, particularly by the latter whose 4 overs yielded a miserly return of 2-17, Hall taking 1-20. “Hamstrung” Sherwin finished off the overs with a wicket and 5 wides, Camden finishing on 127-9 at the end of the twentieth over, a respectable score but surely well within the scope of Philanderers batting line up.

Jonathan Howe and “Average” Campbell opened the innings and after 5 overs it was all plain sailing at 41-0, including some sumptuous drives by both players. A change of bowling brought the demise of Henry (16), triggered by a nodding Hugo, quickly followed by Jonathan (28) who holed out to deep long off. This brought vice-captain George Pearson to the wicket (still chuntering that if he had been captain we wouldn’t have let them get that many) who drove his first ball serenely over deep long off for a superb 6. The Fuhrer had everything crossed for George to take us to victory “he was such a good bat when he was younger!!” but sadly he fell to a perfect in-swinger (to a left hander) from newly introduced dark destroyer Chandrasaker from the ever-darkening gloominess of the Hall end. This brought captain Dodson to the wicket and Pimblett came “rushing” down from the non- strikers end (quicker than his usual pace) to proclaim ”he’s moving it away from the right hander”. Dodson was duly bowled middle stump by one coming back through the gate. In strolled Sherwin to see out the hattrick ball, surely he couldn’t be the 3rd wicket of a hattrick for the second time this season!! Oh yes he could, as he presented the bowler with a simple return catch. Less said about the reminder of the innings the better, apart from one huge blow from George Hall into the trees over deep midwicket and their captain being fined 50% of his match fee for keeping the destroyer on against Heggars, despite the almost complete darkness. We sadly succumbed to 92 all out.

Too dark for a team photo we retired to The George for a dressing down by the Fuhrer but only when he had failed to locate the centre of the disabled parking bay. Whilst the youngsters, and CKD, on Table 1 discussed the off field antics of Shiv Thakor (but he was a gun bat) Hugo gave a lesson in parasol management on Table 2, and the Fuhrer reviewed his captains log, surely relegating Dodson back to the Ordinary Ranks for all future expeditions.

Onwards and upwards from here (it couldn’t get worse albeit not a record lowest score which is still secure under the captaincy of Stomper) and surely not thrice Tom.

Ed Dodson

'Post match sorrows being drowned'

'The Fuhrer 'phoning the AA for a tow into the Disabled parking bay'

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